In Chinese medicine, the lungs are closely associated with the emotion of grief. This connection is rooted in the belief that each organ in the body is linked to a specific emotion. **

The lungs are thought to be affected by grief and sadness.

When a person experiences prolonged or intense grief, it can disrupt the energy flow in the lungs, leading to physical and emotional imbalances. This disruption can manifest as respiratory issues, such as shortness of breath or a feeling of tightness in the chest.

Yup.

I was divorced in 2006 after seven years of an excruciating marriage – or at least- what turned out to be excruciating yet started with a promise unparalleled in love and safety.

In my book, First Kill All the Lawyers, In Pro Per, I describe in “poignant and humorous detail” (from a review) my devastating marriage to “Eli” (not his real name). In the last nine months, my book, which I never promoted, has garnered offers to buy the rights for film from three major film companies. The first company, a legitimate offer from Todd Phillips, wanted me to collaborate on the screenplay, which I had neither the
skills nor time to do.

But then offers from Cinemax and MGM came without any caveats or conditions.

Rather than being happy and proud of my accomplishments, I noticed how my heart sank each time a new offer came in. Uncharacteristically, I did not return calls and hid and ducked any communication on the subject. I feel like such a failure because I am unwilling to do the work of continuing the arduous task of feeling the feelings elicited in the book. Plus, I am lazy.

What happened to me was so terrible, and yet my insistence to continue, pushing through like the good daughter of a Marine, led to repression and suppression of some of the essential feelings of the experience. The so-called negative expressions of fear and sadness were laid aside while I muscled through, trying to create enough distraction to avoid the feelings.

I became extremely successful in helping and healing others. (I get it. What about me?)
______________________

So…Two weeks ago, I started coughing. A week into this process, I spent a night on the phone with my doctor, trying to avoid going to the hospital. My doctor got a promise from me that I would go to Urgent Care for X Rays and breathing treatments first thing in the morning.

The X Ray revealed pneumonia. Now I knew why I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

It is now the 12rh day of horrible coughing and depression and hopelessness. My lungs feel so heavy I am unable to believe they are contained in my skinny body. It takes effort to walk up the stairs.

Fortunately, I am being cared for by friends. I think, had I not surrendered this time, I wouldn’t be here writing these words. Allowing this help has been a new experience for me.

This has been miserable, but it is a wake-up call to begin the process I formerly avoided. In this way, the misery turns to hope.

I encourage people to feel the intensity of each emotion, talking about triggers and experiences which lead to feelings. I always say. “Awareness heals.”

I am looking for a new therapist to help guide me through this time. I realize I am in the throes of what Alexander Lowen calls the dilemma between the wish to die and the will to live.

The lungs are about grief. And disillusionment. And disappointments. And sadness. It’s time for me to talk about these feelings.

And, in doing so, continue to live.

Love, Gopita

**The Liver is associated with anger and frustration. When the liver’s energy is imbalanced, it can lead to feelings of irritability and anger.

The Spleen is associated with worry and overthinking. The spleen is affected by excessive worry and can lead to digestive issues.

The Heart is associated with joy and overexcitement. An imbalance in the heart can cause excessive joy and overexcitement, leading to mania.