I have been on crutches and a cane for the last 4 weeks. The severity of the pain I am in has humbled me. Not only because the pain is sometimes so terrible I have passed out (quite literally – all the way out! ) - but also because I have not been able to figure out where the pain came from, how I injured myself, and why; with all of my knowledge, techniques, and abilities, I have not been able to get myself out of this pain.
What has worked? Rest. And contemplation. And thought. And remembering what happened when I was 28. (Hamstrings and Fascia Latae). What happened when I was 10 and the horse threw me over the jump (Psoas and Vastus Lateralis). What happened…what happened….and sedating so many meridians and working so many muscle groups…and rest. And rest. And staying still. Mostly still. And rest.
I have torn my Hip Flexor muscles. But no one knows how this happens.
I can tell you that I have not been going to yoga, have not been faithfully correcting homolateral, and have been under enormous stress. My home is going under smoke amelioration from the wildfires. I walk (or used to, so long ago – 4 weeks ago!) on pavement in the hills. I have not been rigorous about my shoes. I became careless.
So, stress, coupled with bad shoes, coupled with lack of stretching, coupled with SITTING IN MY CHAIR WITH MY LEFT LEG BENT UNDERNEATH ME each and every day as I work with my patients and clients…well, I was a disaster waiting to happen. And my diet? Fuhgeddaboudit.
I have been having Myofascial Trigger Point therapy. And with this therapy comes memory. And with memory comes emotional release. I am so grateful to one of my clients for telling me about this form of treatment. So, I read the book he gave me on trigger points and found a loving and patient massage therapist who has been kind and gentle with me.
AND WOW!! So many held emotions in the muscles!
After a session with my therapist I have returned home, to bed (sigh….) and the next day I have experienced intense memories, pain, trauma, wonder and even joy.
Now, I cannot say that this would not have happened any time I had an opportunity to keep still. I cannot really remember a time this has been so. I keep very still for my daily meditation practice. The rest of the time my life is GO! GO! GO!
So, being in bed, keeping still, moving only by hobbling around on crutches, asking people to help me, spending time reading, sleeping, writing and meditating, has triggered many memories. Many images of the past, some very difficult to process. So many buried tendencies I wanted to forget about. But as everything else in this benevolent universe, it is all good. I have picked up my poetry books. I have read what I have written on my blog (Some of the pieces are really good! Some are sniveling crap…I keep reminding myself to edit, to place things in categories, to remove some of the whining pieces…)
Tearing or straining hip flexor muscles involves 4-6 muscles, and the pain keeps moving. This is why one must stay still for so long. It is apparently important to watch what has-compensated-for-what, and pay attention to what will arise next. I am told I must be still for at least 6 weeks. I am on week 4.
And I am finding many, many emotions tied to my muscles. Many memories.
I have developed a fairly consistent technique I am using daily for the physical pain. It is as follows:
• CORRECT HOMOLATERAL
• SEDATE 3-4 MERIDIANS (DO A 3-POINT HOLD ON SOME OF THE MORE STUBBORN ONES)
° CIRCULATION SEX (Gluteus medius)
° LARGE INTENSTINE (Fascia Latae)
° STOMACH (Psoas)
And I move into TRIPLE WARMER (Gracilis) from time to time, based on how I feel and where I think the pain moves. I have plenty of time, and I also use my fingers to find knots, called trigger points.
So, I massage the points, and then sedate the meridians through which the knot has been found.
This has alleviated the pain amazingly. But the emotional part? Well, I have dealt with that on my meditation mat. I have wept, sobbed, remembered, journaled, and actually called trusted friends and colleagues to process many of the things I am remembering.
And I also return, again and again, to Rumi’s poem:
The Guest House
This human being is a guest houses
every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
Empty of its’ furniture,
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.
(Translation by Coleman Barks)
There is no doubt in my mind and heart that things are occurring perfectly. I give thanks, grimace a little less, and wonder at the absolute perfection and synchronicity of things as life becomes better and better each day. I’ll take a little physical pain for the gift of this clarity and understanding of the so-called past. And I marvel at the wonder of the many techniques we possess for healing our spiritual and emotional pain, as well as our physical pain.
E-motion = energy in motion. There is no separation anywhere. Body is a reflection of mind, and I have carried chaos and upset in my mind and heart long enough. I am glad it spilled out somatically. I am glad I have wept long and hard tears for the beauty of it all: the whole catastrophe, as Zorba the Greek says, dancing merrily away.